Do you yearn to get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back after breaking up? After doing a little soul searching and spending time apart, you finally realized that the one you were with was the love of your life. No need to beat yourself up about it because these things happen more often than you think.
I’ve seen many people break up and try to move on, only to realize that they made a huge mistake letting go of the person they were already with. It’s a sad reality that a lot of us are unfortunately too familiar with.
Trying to get back with an ex can be very tricky. Wouldn’t it be nice if you can win your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back without doing anything? But it’s never too late to try to rekindle the love that you once shared. It’s just a matter of making the right moves and saying the right words so fight the urge to plan any of your elaborate schemes. If you’re serious about giving love a second chance with an ex, here are 8 tips that could help you out.
Does The No Contact Rule Work?
Alright, before we even talk about the 8 tips, I would like to address a frequently asked question, “Does the no contact rule work?” You can read that article for the answer. With that said, let’s move on to the 8 tips.
1. Pace Yourself
The first thing that you need to remember is to pace yourself. You don’t want to come off too eager in winning back your ex as much as you want to do so quickly. After all, you want to get your ex back without looking desperate, begging and being needy. You don’t want to end up losing your dignity. Take it slow and let the process run its own course. Try not to be pushy, especially if you were the one who ended things.
Just because you have history there doesn’t give you a right to rush getting back together. Sharing a past actually puts you at a disadvantage because you’ll need to deal with unresolved issues. You should take time to reassess who you are so that you know how you can improve yourself this time around. Also, do not engage in mind games.
2. Start With a Text or PM
Once you’re in the right perspective, you can start reconnecting. I recommend starting small like sending a text or a PM on Facebook. This gives you the perfect opportunity to see if your ex is willing to reconnect with you again without the pressure of a phone call or a meet up. Keep the message short and sincere. Maybe ask about how they’re doing. If you’re lucky, your ex will respond back and you can start communicating again. I know it can be daunting to be the one to try to establish the first contact, but remember to keep your spirits high. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
3. Open Up Communication
Once you’ve made your move, it’s time to slowly open up the communication lines again. Try not to overwhelm your ex with information overload at this point. Send casual messages every once in a while, but don’t do it every day. Again, you don’t want to come off as overeager, or worse, desperate. Think of it as starting with a clean slate. You’re just getting to know the person again so keep it casual. Don’t even mention about getting back together again without as much as a good catch-up. Let your ex come around at his or her own time.
4. Make Your Intentions Known Subtly
Once you do get to talking regularly, don’t propose getting back together off the bat. I know you want your ex back now. But there’s a higher risk that you might only scare the ex away. Try to get comfortable with each other again before you start any serious talks. You can make your intentions felt in a way without having to say out loud what you really want. You can start by casually mentioning to your ex that you miss having him or her in your life and leave it at that. No need to go further into detail. The important thing is that you keep the conversation light especially if you’ve just started to catch up.
Usually, it is not a good idea to apologize just after breaking up. This is because an apology is going to stir up negative feelings. The only exception is when you have done something very wrong. For example, if you insulted him or her while arguing, then it is appropriate to apologize for that.
Of course, once you started rekindling the positive feelings in your ex, make sure that you find the opportunity to have a sincere talk. No one is perfect so it shouldn’t matter to the both of you who broke up with whom. If you have anything that you need to apologize for, this is the perfect time to own up.
Don’t let your pride hold you back and keep you bitter. By acknowledging your shortcomings, you’ll be ready to open up a new chapter in your lives. You’ll both be able to move on from the hurt and focus on the good things that are coming your way. Trust me, once you apologize, the next steps will be easier.
6. Start a Friendship
The great thing about getting back with an ex is that it gives you a second chance to start a friendship with someone you consider to be very special in your life. Don’t look at this as continuing a broken love affair. Instead, look at it as an opportunity to start something new.
And the best way to start a love affair is to start a friendship. The best romantic relationships are those that began in friendships. Don’t dwell too much on labels and put pressure on becoming a couple instantly. Just have fun with the new found friendship and enjoy each other’s company.
When you have a strong friendship with your partner, the relationship will be able to stand the test of time. After all, you do want your ex back permanently, don’t you? You want to do so without breaking up again and again.
7. Avoid Talking About The Past
Once you become comfortable being with each other again, avoid going down memory lane and hashing out the past. Always remember this. The old relationship is dead the moment you broke up with your ex. So there is no point trying to get the old relationship back. What you want is to start a brand new and better relationship.
It would be better to keep your sights on the future. There’s no way that you can start a new relationship if you’re going to keep on bringing up everything that happened in the past. And this doesn’t just apply to bad memories; it should also be applied to the happy ones as well. This is your second chance to get things right — don’t mess it up by being a slave to the past.
8. Be Yourself
Last but not the least, always be yourself. No matter how much you’ve messed up in the past, you need to show that you are the better version of that person that your ex fell in love with. There’s no point pretending to be someone you’re not just to win an old love back.
I know you may wish to get back together no matter what but you shouldn’t change yourself completely just to make someone else happy. Of course I would suggest that you change your bad traits, but don’t change your identity. As much as you think you need your ex in your life, you shouldn’t let someone else’s perception of you take control over you. Always remember that you deserve to love, and be loved, just the way you are.